Experiment Time Again.

Experiment Number 23:

I got the idea for this experiment while perusing the 'rubber glove' section at Tescos. Standing alone in isle 4, my eyes were slowly drawn to the 'washing-up' liquid shelf. Here, I found myself pondering on times gone by. I recalled my youth, and when as a child, there was only one prominent washing-up liquid available for the consumer market – 'the mild green Fairy liquid'.
Today there appears to be a multitude of choice that come in all range of colours, shapes and sizes. I don't know about the cleansing abilities of today's dish-cleaning products, frankly I couldn't give a 'squirrel's cod-piece' about how effective they are at removing jam and crap from dinner-plates. No, my sole interest in washing-up liquid has always been, and always will be, about the flavour - the tasty, yumminess of the product. Fairy liquid was the pick of the crop in the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's. The burning question is – was it still the most appetising on the market?

I left Tescos will an armful of dish-water-soap products and a dogged desire to pursue the answer in a clear and concise, scientific manner.

As a child I drank gallons of the stuff – with no apparent side effects – apart that is, from the odd bubbly, soapy fart. Fairy liquid was the bog standard tool for all jobs. It was a lubricant for squeaky or stiff doors. It was a cheap car shampoo, and when necessary, it was used by my brothers as an inexpensive version of Matey bubble bath and laxative.

Method.

In Tescos I had purchased six bottles of washing-up liquids that are currently the leading brands in this particular market. They were:- Fairy Liquid; Palmolive; Morning Fresh; Afternoon Manky; Grimso and the popular German brand Pisson Der Plate.
I lined up six pint glasses and poured amble measures in each – forty five minutes later I came to in the ambulance.

The Paramedic claimed that it was the first time ever that someone had been sick in his Ambulance and it had actually been cleaner than it had been before the hurling had commenced: he described it as lemony fresh.

The hospital staff, were as ever, extremely pleased to see me again. Doctor Verruca was especially delighted, as I had managed to keep to our agreement about not experimenting with hedge-clippers any more. However, after my last experiment, when I tried to revolutionise the hairdressing industry by cutting my own hair with a blow-torch, the head nurse, Sister Scrotum, was intrigued as to 'what the fook I had been up to this time?'

Result.

Apparently I had 16 pints of washing-up liquid pumped from my stomach: but I was given a clean bill of health afterwards. In fact so clean that my insides are gleaming, fresh, and my intestines are now as soft as my hands. However, on the downside, at the moment I'm having frequent attacks of mild-green-hairy-shit-squitts!

Last night.

Where were you Bobski? It was quiet without you. Mind you, that could have been because Fubar-Glen went off early, Pikeywhykey came on late, and that Gaz_Jooze, Iron_Cross and Toadie234 all had their microphones turned off....They didn't want to talk to me:(