So a book of poetry, small in size, has won the Costa's booker prize.
There's no plot: no porn, bums nor titties - just pretty little rhyming ditties.
It's not exactly War and Peace but they claim it's still a masterpiece.
But, I don't care for this literary affliction, for poetry's not my choice addiction.
And, although it's just a book of clever prose it won't be allowed in my F**kin House.
Thursday, 27 January 2011
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Black Ops :(
Yesterday, Tuesday 25th January 2011, Treyarch released patch number 1.06 for Call of Duty Black Ops. What I cannot comprehend, with regards to this game, is why it was released to the general public when it was practically unplayable – well the PS3 version was anyway. Admittedly, the previous patches have fixed the game, somewhat, but it is still lagging, glitching and crashing even with this new 1.06 patch.
I have two theories:- Either Treyarch's programmers' imagination, and vision, outstretched their technical abilities. Or, Treyarch's parent company, Activision, were not willing to part with some of their profits from the previous COD releases to purchase a decent dedicated Server network. The truth is no matter how many patches, fixes and alterations Treyarch make to this game it will not alter the fact that installing dedicated Servers in the first place would have cured possibly 70% of Black Ops problems.
The sad fact is that until there is a change at management level at Activision, the online issues with the Call of Duty franchise will continue with all future COD releases.
Give us dedicated Servers you tight bastards......
I have two theories:- Either Treyarch's programmers' imagination, and vision, outstretched their technical abilities. Or, Treyarch's parent company, Activision, were not willing to part with some of their profits from the previous COD releases to purchase a decent dedicated Server network. The truth is no matter how many patches, fixes and alterations Treyarch make to this game it will not alter the fact that installing dedicated Servers in the first place would have cured possibly 70% of Black Ops problems.
The sad fact is that until there is a change at management level at Activision, the online issues with the Call of Duty franchise will continue with all future COD releases.
Give us dedicated Servers you tight bastards......
Wednesday, 12 January 2011
The tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
OUCH!!!
Last Friday I had a small dental procedure. I don't the technical name, but in lay-man terms it basically involved having my face pulled-off.
It is now Wednesday and I'm still in pain. I'm not a happy bunny. No, I'm a hungry, tired one instead.
I can't sleep, eat or rest properly. And I don't know the nutritional value of Anadin Extra's, but they're the only solid items that I have been able to swallow, and consquently, what I have been surviving on over the last few days.
Hopefully, in a few more days the trembling, and bleeding, will cease and I'll be able to chisel open my gob again...
Last Friday I had a small dental procedure. I don't the technical name, but in lay-man terms it basically involved having my face pulled-off.
It is now Wednesday and I'm still in pain. I'm not a happy bunny. No, I'm a hungry, tired one instead.
I can't sleep, eat or rest properly. And I don't know the nutritional value of Anadin Extra's, but they're the only solid items that I have been able to swallow, and consquently, what I have been surviving on over the last few days.
Hopefully, in a few more days the trembling, and bleeding, will cease and I'll be able to chisel open my gob again...
Thursday, 6 January 2011
Experiment Time Again.
Experiment Number 23:
I got the idea for this experiment while perusing the 'rubber glove' section at Tescos. Standing alone in isle 4, my eyes were slowly drawn to the 'washing-up' liquid shelf. Here, I found myself pondering on times gone by. I recalled my youth, and when as a child, there was only one prominent washing-up liquid available for the consumer market – 'the mild green Fairy liquid'.
Today there appears to be a multitude of choice that come in all range of colours, shapes and sizes. I don't know about the cleansing abilities of today's dish-cleaning products, frankly I couldn't give a 'squirrel's cod-piece' about how effective they are at removing jam and crap from dinner-plates. No, my sole interest in washing-up liquid has always been, and always will be, about the flavour - the tasty, yumminess of the product. Fairy liquid was the pick of the crop in the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's. The burning question is – was it still the most appetising on the market?
I left Tescos will an armful of dish-water-soap products and a dogged desire to pursue the answer in a clear and concise, scientific manner.
As a child I drank gallons of the stuff – with no apparent side effects – apart that is, from the odd bubbly, soapy fart. Fairy liquid was the bog standard tool for all jobs. It was a lubricant for squeaky or stiff doors. It was a cheap car shampoo, and when necessary, it was used by my brothers as an inexpensive version of Matey bubble bath and laxative.
Method.
In Tescos I had purchased six bottles of washing-up liquids that are currently the leading brands in this particular market. They were:- Fairy Liquid; Palmolive; Morning Fresh; Afternoon Manky; Grimso and the popular German brand Pisson Der Plate.
I lined up six pint glasses and poured amble measures in each – forty five minutes later I came to in the ambulance.
The Paramedic claimed that it was the first time ever that someone had been sick in his Ambulance and it had actually been cleaner than it had been before the hurling had commenced: he described it as lemony fresh.
The hospital staff, were as ever, extremely pleased to see me again. Doctor Verruca was especially delighted, as I had managed to keep to our agreement about not experimenting with hedge-clippers any more. However, after my last experiment, when I tried to revolutionise the hairdressing industry by cutting my own hair with a blow-torch, the head nurse, Sister Scrotum, was intrigued as to 'what the fook I had been up to this time?'
Result.
Apparently I had 16 pints of washing-up liquid pumped from my stomach: but I was given a clean bill of health afterwards. In fact so clean that my insides are gleaming, fresh, and my intestines are now as soft as my hands. However, on the downside, at the moment I'm having frequent attacks of mild-green-hairy-shit-squitts!
Last night.
Where were you Bobski? It was quiet without you. Mind you, that could have been because Fubar-Glen went off early, Pikeywhykey came on late, and that Gaz_Jooze, Iron_Cross and Toadie234 all had their microphones turned off....They didn't want to talk to me:(
I got the idea for this experiment while perusing the 'rubber glove' section at Tescos. Standing alone in isle 4, my eyes were slowly drawn to the 'washing-up' liquid shelf. Here, I found myself pondering on times gone by. I recalled my youth, and when as a child, there was only one prominent washing-up liquid available for the consumer market – 'the mild green Fairy liquid'.
Today there appears to be a multitude of choice that come in all range of colours, shapes and sizes. I don't know about the cleansing abilities of today's dish-cleaning products, frankly I couldn't give a 'squirrel's cod-piece' about how effective they are at removing jam and crap from dinner-plates. No, my sole interest in washing-up liquid has always been, and always will be, about the flavour - the tasty, yumminess of the product. Fairy liquid was the pick of the crop in the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's. The burning question is – was it still the most appetising on the market?
I left Tescos will an armful of dish-water-soap products and a dogged desire to pursue the answer in a clear and concise, scientific manner.
As a child I drank gallons of the stuff – with no apparent side effects – apart that is, from the odd bubbly, soapy fart. Fairy liquid was the bog standard tool for all jobs. It was a lubricant for squeaky or stiff doors. It was a cheap car shampoo, and when necessary, it was used by my brothers as an inexpensive version of Matey bubble bath and laxative.
Method.
In Tescos I had purchased six bottles of washing-up liquids that are currently the leading brands in this particular market. They were:- Fairy Liquid; Palmolive; Morning Fresh; Afternoon Manky; Grimso and the popular German brand Pisson Der Plate.
I lined up six pint glasses and poured amble measures in each – forty five minutes later I came to in the ambulance.
The Paramedic claimed that it was the first time ever that someone had been sick in his Ambulance and it had actually been cleaner than it had been before the hurling had commenced: he described it as lemony fresh.
The hospital staff, were as ever, extremely pleased to see me again. Doctor Verruca was especially delighted, as I had managed to keep to our agreement about not experimenting with hedge-clippers any more. However, after my last experiment, when I tried to revolutionise the hairdressing industry by cutting my own hair with a blow-torch, the head nurse, Sister Scrotum, was intrigued as to 'what the fook I had been up to this time?'
Result.
Apparently I had 16 pints of washing-up liquid pumped from my stomach: but I was given a clean bill of health afterwards. In fact so clean that my insides are gleaming, fresh, and my intestines are now as soft as my hands. However, on the downside, at the moment I'm having frequent attacks of mild-green-hairy-shit-squitts!
Last night.
Where were you Bobski? It was quiet without you. Mind you, that could have been because Fubar-Glen went off early, Pikeywhykey came on late, and that Gaz_Jooze, Iron_Cross and Toadie234 all had their microphones turned off....They didn't want to talk to me:(
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
Starting from New.
I have taken the very brave decision to start this blog from a new. I've wiped away all my rants, my wails, my thoughts and ideas. I have erased all my scribblings, photos and pictures.
In short, I am going to start from afresh. So, in the future, any passing bloggist will now sadly never have the pleasure of reading my award winning recipe for 'Hedgehog Cock' soup. Or, read my Pulitzer prize winning article that was written straight after the interview I had with God. Nor will anyone be able to peruse through the vast library of material which detailed my incredible success in achieving international 'World peace and Cheese appreciation'. Sadly, all these records have gone. They have been lost forever in the great, empty cellars of the Internet.
Instead, I plan to write just 'any old shite'.
I promise that from now on that anything I blog will never be as interesting, or as good as all the other articles that I had previously published. I also vow to do away with any gramatical structure or syntax. On my oath I will also try my very best to ignore correct spelling, and further more; I also intend to never bother to be amusing; whimsical or sarcastic.
These are my targets; my goals, my aims for the future - and luckily for me it's a promise that I can easily achieve - unlike that silly idea that I had last summer, about flying to Uranus in a chocolate covered, badger-powered jam-jar........
In short, I am going to start from afresh. So, in the future, any passing bloggist will now sadly never have the pleasure of reading my award winning recipe for 'Hedgehog Cock' soup. Or, read my Pulitzer prize winning article that was written straight after the interview I had with God. Nor will anyone be able to peruse through the vast library of material which detailed my incredible success in achieving international 'World peace and Cheese appreciation'. Sadly, all these records have gone. They have been lost forever in the great, empty cellars of the Internet.
Instead, I plan to write just 'any old shite'.
I promise that from now on that anything I blog will never be as interesting, or as good as all the other articles that I had previously published. I also vow to do away with any gramatical structure or syntax. On my oath I will also try my very best to ignore correct spelling, and further more; I also intend to never bother to be amusing; whimsical or sarcastic.
These are my targets; my goals, my aims for the future - and luckily for me it's a promise that I can easily achieve - unlike that silly idea that I had last summer, about flying to Uranus in a chocolate covered, badger-powered jam-jar........
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